dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize