You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
