Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
