i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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