lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
