this beer tastes like vomit already
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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