Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
