in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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