I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
