hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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