4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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