I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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