Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What a dumb baby whore.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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