just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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