He asked me if I "almost moaned"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
