i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
