it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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