I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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