He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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