were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
