i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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