if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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