She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
