I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
