I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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