You don't have asthma, your pregnant
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
