At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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