im six kinds of drunk right now
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
