6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
