I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
