I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
