so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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