she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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