I think I am morally bankrupt
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
