All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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