Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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