I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
