So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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