i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
