me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
