You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
