as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
