i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
