you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
