just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
