she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
