Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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