i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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