amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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