Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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