K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
