idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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