you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
