I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
