Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize