My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
