I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
