Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
