ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
