i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
