I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
3 2 1 whiskey
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize