On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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