guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
