Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
