Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
