I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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