So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
