I must be too annoying 4 u.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
